Exploring the Role of Connection in Human Development

We human beings are meaning makers. From the moment of birth until the hour of death, life unfolds within our inborn desire to make sense of things. 

Questions of meaning anchor the dynamic emergence of our minds as we continually, either consciously or unconsciously, ask “What’s going on? What’s up? What is the meaning of this? 

The newest research on child development presents powerful evidence that this meaning-making is the foundational process underlying all cognitive abilities: thinking, reasoning, problem solving, and certainly communicating.

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That may be obvious. But what is less obvious, perhaps even surprising, is that meaning-making is fundamentally interpersonal. We do it together with others. It does not, indeed cannot, happen alone.

Ed Tronick, Ph.D. is a well-known developmental and clinical psychologist and director of the Child Development Unit at the University of Massachusetts. He has studied babies interacting with caregivers for decades and is the inventor of the “still face” experimental design that has been used to measure how depression in caregivers effects the children. (Answer: a lot, and not in a good way).

In his paper, Why is Connection With Others So Critical? The Formation of Dyadic States of Consciousness and the Expansion of Individuals’ States of Consciousness, Tronick asks, “Why do infants indeed all people, so strongly seek states of interpersonal connectedness, and why does the failure to achieve connectedness wreak such damage on their mental and physical health?”

He notes, in study after study of babies interacting with their mothers, that:

      … when connection is made with another person, there is an experience of growth and exuberance, a sense of continuity, and a feeling of being in sync along with a sense of knowing the other’s sense of the world. With disconnection there is an experience of shrinking, a loss of continuity, a senselessness of the other. Feeling disconnected is painful, and in the extreme there may be terrifying feelings of annihilation …

He asks, “Why does connection have such a profound effect on the body, brain, behavior, and experience in the moment and over time? Indeed, what do we mean by connection? What is being connected, and how is a connection made?”

The kind of connection Tronick is talking about is also known as “second-person interaction” – moments of being together with another person in which each participant is emotionally engaged with eye-to- eye, face-to-face attention and with the intention of getting “in sync.” What is being connected are the minds of the two people interacting. Yes – minds are formed in these interactions. They expand and they gain coherence too, says Tronick.

Think of a mother playing peek-a-boo with her daughter. Or think of having tea with your best friend. Or think of fishing with your son (not when you are looking at the fish, but at each other). Moments of intimacy, you might call these interactions, moments when our two minds link together in what Tronick calls “Dyadic States of Consciousness.” Fancy name, but not a fancy experience. 

These moments of connection are common, so common that their profound importance is often overlooked by cognitive scientists who have historically equated consciousness solely with thought, individual identity, object manipulation, and the ability to form mental representations. The brief, “in the moment” experiences of inter-subjectivity were largely ignored while scientists studied the development of the mind by isolating individuals and observing them from a distance, perhaps even from a laboratory window. Now we know, in common parlance, that “You can’t get there from here.” 

Instead of a laboratory setting, Tronick studied video recordings of infants and mothers in real time interactions. He was able to see that these experiences are mutual and effect both participants in powerful ways. During these one-on-one states, Tronick says both minds do two things at once: They ”expand” as they gain new information from each other, and they acquire greater “coherence” by sharing the energy flow back and forth. He calls this process Dyadic States of Consciousness. 

Let’s take a look at this in detail because it’s worth noting that not all coming together with another person creates this kind of unified experience. If we jostle and ignore a passenger riding with us on the subway, that is not a dyadic state of consciousness, and neither is sitting next to someone while both of us look at our cell phones or watch television. 

Attention is key here – attention, and the intention of truly connecting with the other person. Tronick says that each participant notices and processes, often unconsciously, the movements, facial expressions, voice inflection, and emotions of the other, as well as one’s own thoughts and feelings as the interplay unfolds. A mutual adjustment is in continual play as one or the other person notices the approving look, the disapproving look, the questioning raised eyebrow, or the expression of compassion, understanding, and kindness.  

Tronick’s two dynamic words “expand and cohere” have been resonating in my mind ever since I read them a few weeks ago. They seem to explain a great deal about human development. 

So pre-occupied have I been with these concepts that yesterday I invited a close friend to come out for coffee and have a moment to “expand and cohere together.” Knowing my reading obsession, my unfazed friend laughingly answered, “I see you’ve been to the library again. What the dickens are you talking about?”

Over coffee, I explained my excitement about a new level of understanding of Tronick’s concepts of expansion and coherence and how they relate to a common phrase in the Baha’i writings, perhaps THE common phrase: “unity in diversity.” In the words of Shoghi Effendi, the Guardian of the Baha’i Faith, “Let there be no misgivings as to the animating purpose of the worldwide Law of Baha’u’llah .… Its watchword is unity in diversity …”

I told my friend that I had always thought of this concept in terms of the unity of humankind as a whole, a concept alluding to the ultimate oneness of nations, religions, and cultures. For example, Abdu’l-Baha, the son and successor of Baha’u’llah, gave the example of flowers in a garden when he said: “Consider the flowers of a garden .… Diversity of hues, form and shape enricheth and adorneth the garden, and heighteneth the effect thereof …”

As I explained to my friend, Tronick shows that unity in diversity can go less “macro” and much more “micro,” applying at the individual level as well as the larger global one. 

This kind of profound human connection – a potential “mind melding” experience, potentially possible with any human being at any time – means that others are willing to form that intention and take the time and attention required to make it happen. We are talking about an expansion of consciousness that results from what the Baha’i literature refers to as “coming together.” Referring to a meeting between those of different races, Abdu’l-Baha said, “I hope this coming together and harmony reaches such a degree that no distinctions shall remain between them, and they shall be together in the utmost harmony and love.”

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I told my friend that the more I looked at Tronick’s work, the more I saw the resonance between these ideas and the phrase “cohesive attraction” referred to in the Bahai writings as beneficial and leading to “fruitful results.” Abdu’l’Baha spoke of these principles operating at even the atomic level:  

… consider the phenomenon of composition and decomposition, of existence and non-existence. Every created thing in the contingent world is made up of many and varied atoms, and its existence is dependent on the composition of these. In other words, a conjunction of simple elements takes place so that from this composition a distinct organism is produced. The existence of all things is based upon this principle. But when the order is deranged, decomposition is produced and disintegration sets in, then that thing ceases to exist. That is, the annihilation of all things is caused by decomposition and disintegration. Therefore attraction and composition between the various elements is the means of life, and discord, and division produce death. Thus the cohesive and attractive forces in all things lead to the appearance of fruitful results and effects, while estrangement and alienation of things lead to disturbance and annihilation. Through affinity and attraction all living things like plants, animals and men come into existence, while division and discord bring about decomposition and destruction. 

Consequently, that which is conducive to association and attraction and unity among the sons of men is the means of the life of the world of humanity, and whatever causes division, repulsion and remoteness leads to the death of humankind.

My friend’s coffee needed refilling three times before we finally decided to end our “expansion” and “coherence” session. We laughed about it as we parted, knowing that both of us would be thinking about our conversation for many days to come. We knew we had both experienced what Tronick was talking about because we had lived it, felt it, and couldn’t wait to come back for more.