How Unfulfilled Promises Affect Inner Peace and Trust

Inner peace is like a fragile child that needs constant feeding, protecting, and strengthening. Even something small and insignificant can upset and derail it.

I woke up at my usual time, near noon, from a dream, in which my mother and I were walking in a wooded area, toward our home. Suddenly she disappeared, and I could not find her. 

It felt terrible, and that is when I woke up, unhappy and resentful, as well as all alone. 

The resentment part is not new, and I have been working hard to let go of it, but events like my dream keep bringing it up. Maybe by putting those feelings here, I can reduce the negative energy generated within me. 

RELATED: Forgiving Broken Promises, and Plowing Your Own Field

Unfulfilled Promises 

I have a wonderful friend, my bestest friend, who I have known for 26 years. She is in the habit, anytime I ask her to do something, or when she herself commits to doing something, of consistently prefacing her response by saying “IF I can.” 

But then she (almost) always comes through. Trustworthy and true, she keeps her promises.

For 26 years she has kept at it. On the very few occasions when she could not fulfill her promises, she always informed me about it beforehand. She is so honest and forthright that her words are more precious than all the gold in our national treasury.

Maybe that’s the reason the unfulfilled promises of others generate negative feelings for me. These promises were given voluntarily by the promisers, not requested by me. 

I think people who do that habitually may be very sincere when they utter promises, but they seem not to be aware or care that when they promise, they generated some hope. When promises are not kept, particularly when that habit continues over and over again, it hurts the heart of the one who was the recipient of the promise. 

Baha’u’llah, the prophet and founder of the Baha’i Faith, wrote:

Trustworthiness is the greatest portal leading unto the tranquility and security of the people. In truth the stability of every affair hath depended and doth depend upon it. All the domains of power, of grandeur and of wealth are illumined by its light.

I do not think that individuals who break promises are mean people or inherently untrustworthy. They could have a faulty memory — at the moment of the promise, they may mean what they say, only to forgot it a short while later. I think, too, that some individuals are people-pleasers, and maybe they just want to gain some kind of positive attitude or reaction from people they promise — or they may just like the sound of their own voice, no matter how emotionally harmful their non-kept promise is on the receiver. 

At this point, hurt and disappointed by broken promises, I don’t care for most people to be with me or try to make me feel better. I cannot trust, at this point, another hollow promise. I do know the Baha’i Faith teaches us that: 

… Guidance hath ever been given by words, and now it is given by deeds. Every one must show forth deeds that are pure and holy, for words are the property of all alike, whereas such deeds as these belong only to Our loved ones. Strive then with heart and soul to distinguish yourselves by your deeds.

I know, too, that these feelings will disappear, hopefully soon. I do have a suggestion for all of us, though — including myself. BEFORE we promise something to anyone, including our little children, let us reflect and think rationally to determine whether we will be able to keep that promise — otherwise, we are noise-polluting and hurting others deeply, even without intention.

My Rant About Death and Guilt

While I’m ranting away, another point that I want to make is that when long-term sick people express their desire to go to the next world, PLEASE don’t preach to them that every breath is a blessing. Love them enough so that you don’t dump guilt on them for feeling those feelings unless you are in their skin and know what is going on in their life. 

RELATED: Am I Qualified for the Afterlife?

I usually try not to complain about my situation, and do not want to burden people with the details of what is going on. I doubt that people are very interested in knowing the details, nor they should be. When I feel people are chiding me, I become irritated, particularly when they say they love me and will miss me when I leave. I know I am tired, and more and more, I feel like a burden to my loved ones. I sense the tiredness on their part, and I do not blame them if I am correct. 

I have lived a wonderful life, and I’m very happy about entering the next one. No one owes me anything, and I do not and should not expect anything more from my loved ones who themselves have a lot of life challenges. I also do not want to be chided for not being grateful when I state that I want to go home. The Baha’i teachings say:

O Son of the Supreme! I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom?

I believe this great truth, and I’m ready, willing, and eager to experience that messenger of joy. I am grateful that I live in a very nice place with people who take care of me, and I know that I need to reduce my extra expectations and truly lay all my affairs in God’s hands.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me their positive comments — they have gladdened my heart!