A Friend’s Passing and an Honest Look Within

My neighbor who was struggling is now dying, perhaps within the next few hours. Today, all her family members, as well as a childhood friend, kept her company. Of course, I went to see her, too. 

Her childhood friend was there alone, so the family could go out for what they needed to do before coming back. So I was alone with her and her friend, and we talked a little about their deep lifetime friendship. I said a Baha’i prayer from Abdu’l-Baha for her at her bedside:

Bestow upon Thy heavenly handmaiden, O God, the holy fragrances born of the spirit of Thy forgiveness. Cause her to dwell in a blissful abode, heal her griefs with the balm of Thy reunion, and, in accordance with Thy will, grant her admission to Thy holy Paradise. Let the angels of Thy loving-kindness descend successively upon her, and shelter her beneath Thy blessed Tree. Thou art, verily, the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Generous, the All-Bountiful.

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This is the first time I have seen anyone at this stage of their home-going — not even my parents. My father died after I said goodbye to him in Iran for the last time before I came back to the US. Shortly after that goodbye — which included my promise of taking care of my mother — she died suddenly in the ICU when I was at home and asleep. 

It might surprise you to know that even though I worked in the nursing field for 20 years, I had never seen anyone on the immediate verge of death before now. But I felt peace looking at my neighbor dying, and the whole experience seemed normal and natural. I am wondering if being old and knowing that this is a common experience has something to do with my lack of any negative feelings. 

I praise God for His mercy on my neighbor as she was being released from this dust heap of earth, and I hope that she will see the fruits of her journey soon. I don’t envy her for this though, since I am also coming to grips with the fact that I have to abide by the will of God, too, no matter how long He decides to keep me here.

As I write this, my neighbor has finally winged her way to the divine realm, and her physical suffering has ended. 

Although she had a very difficult time during her last 24 hours because she had serious lung problems, she was peaceful during the few hours before her passing. Her family was with her when she passed, all very nice people who were appreciative of me for visiting her and praying for her. I felt very happy that she had such loving children as well as a childhood friend. It was obvious that these adults were fine people, each one caring and loving toward each other. 

All of this made me think to myself that not having any family members at the end of life may be a little sad, but having family members who are hostile toward each other, even on one’s deathbed, is much worse. I’ve seen that happen, and I am so glad that I have been protected from that misery. Praised be God — I know, when my time does come, that I am in wonderful hands by having these beautiful caregivers. All I have to do is be patient, and while I am doing just that, to have fun by giving everyone a hard time. Some of them have even finally learned to give back the good-natured harassment I dish out.

Speaking of terrific caregivers, a wonderful young man working here became like a son to me — but was recently dismissed from his job, which was very difficult for him materially as well as emotionally. Later on, the person who I think was the reason for his dismissal was himself dismissed. I am still in contact with the young man and will remain so forever. I feel the urge to let him know about what happened after he left, but I’m asking myself — what is my motive? 

Is it because I want him to feel that the other person got his just reward so that my friend can feel better about himself? The answer is yes and no. Yes, I want him to feel better about himself, but I think there are more reasons. Is it because I feel a sense of superiority because, at this point, I have more information than he has, or is it because I want him to like me more, or is it all about me?  

I kept debating with myself over these potential motives and finally decided that I would not tell him anything about the other person, since I do not truly know that the action of that person was that became the cause of the dismissal of my friend. Also, I’ve realized talking about that person is a form of backbiting, which, according to the teachings of Baha’i Faith, is forbidden. Baha’u’llah warned us when he wrote: “Backbiting quencheth the light of the heart, and extinguisheth the life of the soul.”

But it is so tempting! Of course, I will not make the mistake of quenching the light of my heart. My point is I am trying to be more honest with myself, when I say with all the sincerity of my heart to God that I bow down to His will.

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Despite all the “but, buts,” and despite the fact that I want to advise the Creator maybe just a little to change His mind and bend a little to MY will, I am still struggling with this honesty, and perhaps I will do so until I am free from my physical self. May the All-Merciful God help me to be strong enough to win this war of self-delusion, at least sometimes!

Emotionally and spiritually, after considering all of these inner and outer battles, I’ve realized that I am happy at the end of my life. What a gift! In my experience, not many people receive that great bounty and privilege. I’m excited, too, because most nights, I have a chance to pray and read the Baha’i writings with my beloved daughter, and nothing can replace that joy. Even my dreams, most of the time, have a spiritual nature. What else could I possibly want?

During my nightly walk last night, while praying and meditating, a thought came to me: isn’t it wonderful that I have come to a point in my life when I live in the future? 

My future is now, and my needs and wants have become simple — no more struggle to save money for the future, and no hope or will to gain some material means or higher educational level. I desire no higher position and have truly nothing to sacrifice now for the benefit of my future. This is such a good and pleasant stage of life to live in. There is only one kind of achievement that is absolutely needed for my future, for the next world, for eternity — only one achievement I can carry in my suitcase that will give me permanent dividends, for which I need no insurance payment and no raise and no windfall. It just requires that I save up, through hard inner work, some gold nuggets of spiritual virtues. I can even enjoy their benefits in this material world. What freedom! Praised be God for His loving kindness and mercy!