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Spirituality

Loving Yourself Benefits Everyone—Including You

Kathy Roman | Jun 6, 2016

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Kathy Roman | Jun 6, 2016

The views expressed in our content reflect individual perspectives and do not represent the official views of the Baha'i Faith.

When I hear about how we’re supposed to love ourselves, it always makes me cringe a little.

Isn’t loving yourself a selfish and therefore egotistical thing to do? After all, being selfless means not thinking about yourself, and being truly loving means loving others.

So even though I wanted to, it was hard for me to jump on the “love yourself” bandwagon. Then a thought brought the concept into a new light; what if, by loving myself, I actually did something good and productive for the whole world?

An example came to mind when I thought further about self-love and care. As we’ve evolved as mothers, we know that to properly care for our children we must first take care of ourselves. Hospitals now counsel the nursing mother to feed herself first, so that she has the energy and nutrients to feed her baby. Before taking off in an airplane, parents are instructed that if the cabin losses pressure, they must first put their oxygen masks on before assisting their children with theirs. As children grow, rested and healthy parents have much more to give their children, both intellectually and spiritually, their attention more focused and loving. Therefore the care we show to ourselves can spill out gloriously upon our young ones and everyone benefits:

Love yourself – accept yourself – forgive yourself- and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things. – Leo Buscaglia

So I began to see that caring for myself would benefit not just me, but those around me. It also could help me to better serve my Faith:

Guard your health above all else, for it determines the course of your life.  Proverbs 4:23.

…if he sleep, it should not be for pleasure, but to rest the body in order to do better, to speak better, to explain more beautifully, to serve the servants of God and to prove the truths. When he remains awake, he should seek to be attentive, serve the Cause of God and sacrifice his own stations for those of God. When he attains to this station, the confirmations of the Holy Spirit will surely reach him. – Abdu’l-Baha, Baha’i World Faith, p. 384.

In taking care of ourselves, as in all things, moderation and balance are essential. Pushing yourself beyond reasonable limits will not yield a productive outcome:

Whatsoever passeth beyond the limits of moderation will cease to exert a beneficial influence. – Baha’u’llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah, p. 216.

Still leery of my ego encroaching, I ask, “Is loving ourselves really a part of self-care?” If so, then it isn’t selfish or egotistical. I know when I am feeling bad about myself, my family and those I come into contact with suffer, because I am not able to radiate any light. The mirror of my soul is clouded with self-doubt and low self-worth. On the other hand, when I feel good about myself I am happy and reflect more love and light to others. By practicing unconditional self-love and acceptance, I am able to give so much more:

Rejoice in the gladness of thine heart, that thou mayest be worthy to meet Me and to mirror forth My beauty. – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, p. 12.

You are the work of God and His work is wholly loveable and wholly loving. This how a man must think of himself in his heart because this is what he is. – A Course in Miracles

There is, however, a distinction to be made between acceptance and approval of myself. I may not approve of everything in myself since I am not perfect, but if I can unconditionally love myself, then I am acknowledging the presence of God within me:

O Son of Utterance! Thou art My stronghold; enter therein that thou mayest abide in safety. My love is in thee, know it, that thou mayest find Me near unto thee. – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, p. 6.

If we concentrate our love on the light within—our heavenly spirit—and not the lamp—our personalities—this love will not translate into egotism. The light of God is to be loved and nurtured and that light is within all of us. We were created in His image:

And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female, He created them. – Genesis 1:27.

O Son of Man! Veiled in My immemorial being and in the ancient eternity of My essence, I knew My love for thee; therefore I created thee, have engraved on thee Mine image and revealed to thee My beauty. – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, p. 4.

Though I still struggle with the concept of self-love, I do realize now that when we care for ourselves, we are happier and we honor the light within us. We can give more to our families and to the world. All the holy writings teach us to love humanity. Surely that love includes ourselves.

At the end of the day, my focus becomes very simple as I remember the poignant lyrics of the song, “Nature Boy” sung by the wonderful Nat King Cole: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.”

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Comments

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  • Jun 7, 2016
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    Really great article and teachings. I know that i love you, so i'm glad that you do too. Let the Lords love and light shine in all of us!! :-)
  • Jun 6, 2016
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    It took me until the age of 49 -- last year -- for the teaching, "Noble have I created thee" to finally sink in to my heart, mind and spirit...and I was raised a Baha'i! This phrase has helped form the foundation of the self-love/acceptance/forgiveness that I never gave myself until recently. And it's wonderful.
    • Jun 7, 2016
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      This makes me so happy Roya! Thank you for your comments!
    • Jun 7, 2016
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      That's wonderful news Susan and I can certainly relate! All the best to you.
  • Susan Ragland
    Jun 6, 2016
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    “Say: Deliver your souls, O people, from the bondage of self, and purify them from all attachment to anything besides Me. Remembrance of Me cleanseth all things from defilement, could ye but perceive it. Say: Were all created things to be entirely divested of the veil of worldly vanity and desire, the Hand of God would in this Day clothe them, one and all, with the robe “He doeth whatsoever He willeth in the kingdom of creation,” that thereby the sign of His sovereignty might be manifested in all things. Exalted then be He, the Sovereign Lord of all, the ...Almighty, the Supreme Protector, the All-Glorious, the Most Powerful.” Gleanings, pp. 294-295
    “How high the reward of him that hath not deprived himself of so great a bounty, nor failed to recognize the beauty of his Best-Beloved in this, His new attire. Watch over yourselves, for the Evil One is lying in wait, ready to entrap you. Gird yourselves against his wicked devices, and, led by the light of the name of the All-Seeing God, make your escape from the darkness that surroundeth you. Let your vision be world-embracing, rather than confined to your own self. The Evil One is he that hindereth the rise and obstructeth the spiritual progress of the children of men.” Gleanings, p. 94
    Read more...
  • Jun 6, 2016
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    Beautiful article! Self-love is so important and the foundation for all of our other relationships! Thank you! ?????
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