Seeking Safety and Spiritual Joy As Death Approaches

Dying isn’t easy. That may sound strange, but it’s true. I feel too tired, and I lack sufficient energy, even though my blood pressure seems normal. Maybe my body, in my late 80s, is telling me it’s had enough.

For example, I am having a good bit of pain in my degenerated spine and my middle back, and I keep wondering if the cancer has metastasized or if the pain is just due to arthritis and my spine is further deteriorating. 

These health issues, which signal my approaching death, have made me nocturnal. 

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My energy level spikes usually after midnight, which is when I take my nightly walks, pray, and meditate, asking God for mercy and forgiveness for myself and my family, my kindred, as well as my friends who have gone to the next world. I also beg God to forgive those who made the followers of the Bab, the herald and forerunner of Baha’u’llah, and the followers of Baha’u’llah, suffer so grievously. In many places around the world, people are still suffering for their allegiance to this gentle, peaceful cause. 

I pray for the opportunity to serve a whole lot of people, and then I pray for the healing of all humanity. My prayers include a large number of people in need of healing, physically and, most important of all, spiritually, and all the people who live and work here in the nursing home where I’m spending my final days. 

Then, with this Baha’i prayer, I beg God to stop the wars and carnage and bring peace to the surface of the Earth:

O Lord! Have pity on these ignorant ones, and look upon them with the eye of forgiveness and pardon. Extinguish this fire, so that these dense clouds which obscure the horizon may be scattered, the Sun of Reality shine forth with the rays of conciliation, this intense gloom be dispelled and the resplendent light of peace shed its radiance upon all countries.

O Lord! Draw up the people from the abyss of the ocean of hatred and enmity, and deliver them from this impenetrable darkness. Unite their hearts, and brighten their eyes with the light of peace and reconciliation. Deliver them from the depths of war and bloodshed, and free them from the darkness of error.

I find myself praying so seriously and so ardently, which I have never done before up to a year ago. I am so glad that I can actually pray this way, and mean it wholeheartedly. It is a wonderful feeling to be with God and have peace and quietness in my mind and heart. Of course, I’ve prayed my whole life, but this immersive feeling is new to me, and I really like it.

With this new intensity, my prayers have helped me increasingly realize that living in this place and seeing people coming and going after a while, either due to physical healing or going to their permanent home in the next world, is quite interesting. I think I’m experiencing a great bounty. 

Most people seem to be content, but some who are on their way to the next world are so afraid that they become restless, unsettled, and fraught with anxiety. One of my neighbors, a woman whose health is deteriorating and progressively worsening, is deathly afraid of death, which makes her afraid of being alone. To seek companionship or the comfort of having someone nearby, she keeps getting in and out of bed with her oxygen tube on, and is in danger of falling off the bed. So she rings the call bell quite often or plays her TV extremely loud. Once in a while, when I have some energy during the evening, I visit her for a few minutes and try to pray with her and talk with her about the goodness, kindness, and mercifulness of God to reduce her fears. 

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At those times she seems to be calmer, but it does not last long and she goes back and forth to move from bed and just sit in her chair, which makes her breathing a little more difficult. 

Emotionally, this is the difference between faith and its absence. 

I know that I’ve become happier here and developed a deeper belief that God will always have my back, so to speak, even during those times when I experience a little fear of what is going to happen to me before I die. Almost immediately, though, I stop myself, and my trust in God returns fully. I am very glad for this gift of certainty. Nothing can replace that gift, especially when the end of this physical life looms. Thank you, dear Lord. I am so blessed. 

There is a feeling in me that I cannot describe, but it is a positive one. As I prayed, I talked to God and said to Him that I grew up alone and lonely, and I am ending this phase of life by being surrounded by people who show tremendous love and kindness toward me. I have so much love for them in my heart. It is really a good place to be, emotionally as well as spiritually. I have no fear of death at all, and welcome it. Whenever the Creator calls me, I am ready.

I hope, for all of you, that when you get to this stage of life, you’ll have that same sense of safety, security, and spiritual joy.