The Dangers of Backbiting — For Others, and For You and Me

I despise gossip. So often, it is thoughtless and mean-spirited, rank with unfounded information about others who cannot speak for themselves, who can neither confirm nor deny what is being said. 

Many times I’ve thought if I were in charge of my place of work, gossip and backbiting offenses would warrant immediate dismissal — no excuses, no exceptions. Sadly, though, many businesses lend themselves to this abased behavior, and it affects everyone, including coworkers, clients, and customers.

I once told a hairstylist that if I were the owner of a salon, gossip would be strictly prohibited. She was certain this admonition would all but guarantee very few customers — which made me wonder if gossip and backbiting are so pervasive in our society that it occurs in every place of business. 

Let’s hope not. Anyone who has ever been wounded deeply by what someone else has said about them knows what I mean.

RELATED: Can I Vent Without Backbiting?

It’s hard for me to imagine surgeons or emergency room staff bad-mouthing a patient during an operation, therapists making light of a client’s mental state, or lawyers divulging damaging information that might ruin a claimant’s chance of a fair trial. Wouldn’t careers that demand confidentiality prevent employees from such breaches of privacy? 

Apparently, though, the insidious temptation of feeding our lower nature is prevalent almost everywhere. Certainly, the healing profession of massage therapy, which I thoroughly enjoyed for 28 years, is loving, nurturing and compassionate. In my experience most massage therapists are empathetic, caring people whose highest aspiration is offering healing touch to a broken world. However, at one place where I once worked, I was consistently disappointed by break room chit chat that sometimes devolved into slanderous and even vile backbiting about clients. 

Baha’u’llah, the prophet and founder of the Baha’i Faith, firmly summarized the Baha’i teachings on backbiting in his mystical book The Hidden Words: “O Son of Being! How couldst thou forget thine own faults and busy thyself with the faults of others? …” 

In another passage from The Hidden Words, Baha’u’llah continued: 

O Son of Man! Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner. Shouldst thou transgress this command, accursed wouldst thou be, and to this I bear witness. 

Baha’u’llah reinforced this strong admonition in one of his last works, The Book of the Covenant: 

Verily I say, the tongue is for mentioning what is good, defile it not with unseemly talk. God hath forgiven what is past. Henceforward everyone should utter that which is meet and seemly, and should refrain from slander, abuse and whatever causeth sadness in men.

In my work as a massage therapist, I saw slander and verbal abuse aimed at my clients, and it definitely caused sadness.

One particular couple was being demonized the day the woman was scheduled to be my client. My co-workers couldn’t understand why her husband married someone so much younger and suggested that she was a gold-digger who latched onto him as soon as his first wife passed away. They also disparaged her career as an exotic dancer and wondered if that was the reason he married her. Their concern for “poor me” having to spend an hour with the two of them during their couple’s massage was the last straw. I left the break room as quickly as I could.

The only thought in my head was, “She’s a child of God. She’s a child of God.” Over and over, I said it silently to myself as I prepared for her session. Greatly disappointed in my co-workers for gossiping, I wanted to scream. “No! This client deserves my attention, care, and healing touch as much as the next person. Her personal life has no bearing on my job as a professional massage therapist. I will go in that room without any preconceived ideas of who or what she is.” 

I had this internal conversation with myself in an attempt to unhear every negative word uttered just minutes earlier. I resolved that I would not be swayed by the poisonous opinions of others. The thought that “She’s a child of God. She’s a child of God. She’s a child of God” continued to run on a loop in my brain. 

At that point, I took a deep, centering breath and walked into the room. My client was lying face down, and as I slowly undraped the sheet on her back, there it was on her shoulder blade: the inky tattooed truth proclaiming her spiritual reality: CHILD OF GOD. 

RELATED: How I Tried to Stop Backbiting

Wow! I’ve rarely felt such instant validation from on high, such a wondrous spiritual confirmation of my client’s higher self. My spirit lifted, and my heart became instantly lighter. I wish I could have seen my own smile as it spread across my face. 

Glancing heavenward, I whispered a great big silent “Thank you!” as I reflected on what had occurred. I felt that God was, assuredly, with me during that client’s session, as I recalled Abdu’l-Baha’s assurance:

Man is a child of God, most noble, lofty and beloved by God, his Creator. Therefore, he must ever strive that the divine bounties and virtues bestowed upon him may prevail …