Free Yourself From the Prison of This World

I woke up from a crash of low blood pressure again, which made me unable to eat. This condition seems to be happening on a daily basis. It is not pleasant, but maybe it’s how I’ll finally leave this world. 

Although I have never competed with anyone, except when I played backgammon or ping pong games, today I made a competitive bet with my oncologist that I will die due to a heart attack rather than cancer. 

Both are distinct possibilities, but I perceived her silence to my offered bet as if she had said “Oh yeah, that’s what you think!” I would love to be the winner of this bet, though. I am sure my doctor will be glad that I won, because she is such a great and kind person, so we will both become happier. Please God, let that happen soon!

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One wonderful thing has happened here at the nursing home recently. God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, has chosen me — the least significant of all His creatures — to bring the heart of someone here closer to Him. I am so grateful, and cannot really thank God enough. I am learning to understand the “why” of what I’m still doing here — perhaps the reason I’ve outlived my prognosis is to nurture that one soul.

Another good thing happened to me just this afternoon when I was eating my dinner. The kitchen sent me two boiled eggs, which were rather small. Out of habit, I automatically started mentally criticizing those darn kitchen people! 

As soon as that negative thought came to my mind, I became aware of it and immediately stopped it. 

The fact is, I could only eat less than half of my meal, anyway! Go figure! Sometimes we’re trapped in our own preconceived notions, and our negative mental conditioning takes over.

All of this made me recall from the Baha’i writings that there is no prison worse than the prison of self, and no freedom more important than freedom from the ego. So I can either resent what I’m given, or appreciate it — and that entire decision gets made in my soul. 

In his mystical book The Hidden Words, Baha’u’llah wrote: “O My Servant! Free thyself from the fetters of this world, and loose thy soul from the prison of self. Seize thy chance, for it will come to thee no more.”

I love this passage from the revelation of Baha’u’llah, especially when he explains why we’re all spiritually tested in this world:

… such things as throw consternation into the hearts of all men come to pass only that each soul may be tested by the touchstone of God, that the true may be known and distinguished from the false. …

Were you to ponder, but for a while, these utterances in your heart, you would surely find the portals of understanding unlocked before your face, and would behold all knowledge and the mysteries thereof unveiled before your eyes. Such things take place only that the souls of men may develop and be delivered from the prison-cage of self and desire. 

Yes, I could have been irritated about the eggs, and maybe held on to the irritation for a few minutes or a few hours, and even talked about it with others. That’s the way irritation usually works. By doing so, however, I would keep the door to the prison of my own self closed and locked. Even worse, I would blame others for it, although they had no fault at all. They served me what they had. It was up to me to react to my own perceptions either negatively or positively, materially or spiritually.

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What freedom, what peace, if I take the spiritual course of action! We really can be our own best friends or worst enemies. It is up to us what we choose and how we react to any given situation. I am so glad my awareness helped me with this little test, and I do hope and pray to keep this awareness in the forefront of my mind for all the tests to come.

When I maintain that level of awareness, humility, and gratitude, all I am really doing is saying this prayer from Abdu’l-Baha:

O Lord! Grant me a measure of Thy grace and loving-kindness, Thy care and protection, Thy shelter and bounty, that the end of my days may be distinguished above their beginning, and the close of my life may open the portals to Thy manifold blessings. May Thy loving-kindness and bounty descend upon me at every moment, and Thy forgiveness and mercy be vouchsafed with every breath, until, beneath the sheltering shadow of Thine upraised Standard, I may at last repair to the Kingdom of the All-Praised. Thou art the Bestower and the Ever-Loving, and Thou art, verily, the Lord of grace and bounty.