How to Speak Our Truth – Without Doing Any Harm

How big a role does what we say, and how and when we say it, play in our lives? How can our speech be used to better ourselves and serve our communities? In what ways can our speech become destructive?

Fairness and truthfulness forge paths to knowledge and progress. When we strive to be truthful, loving, and fair in what we say, we enlighten, enrich, and enhance our world – as long as what we say is motivated by love and pure motives, and doesn’t do any harm.

RELATED: Before You Speak, You May Want to THINK

The spiritual virtues of honesty, kindness, and fairness must all be considered and balanced for our words to have a positive influence on those who hear them. When we want to help or influence someone, we can keep this maxim in mind:

Not everything that a man knoweth can be disclosed, nor can everything that he can disclose be regarded as timely, nor can every timely utterance be considered as suited to the capacity of those who hear it.

In other words, we cannot share everything we know – and should try to say only what will be appropriate to the listeners’ condition and capacity, like a wise teacher considers the circumstances and abilities of her students. 

If we want our words to benefit others, we have to consider where they are and what they can and want to learn. What we say, how much we say, when we say it, how we say it, and our motives for saying it are important considerations when we speak. 

People often don’t take the time to think about these factors, and the results can be destructive.

The common saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is untrue. Words can hurt our hearts and souls deeper and longer than a physical injury can hurt our bodies. Even speaking truth can be injurious at times, and must be balanced with love and fairness. What’s the solution? The Baha’i teachings recommend “moderation in all things,” and Baha’u’llah advised that “Whoso cleaveth to justice, can, under no circumstances, transgress the limits of moderation.”

Moderation in all things is excellent advice for everything we say and do. Truth, love, and justice should be used in moderation, too, partly by moderating them with each other and with the virtues of kindness and courtesy. Harmful words, and even too much speech, can be like a smoldering fire or a deadly poison.

When we have pure motives and are sincere, loving, and free of ego, other people will be more open and receptive to what we say. Truthfulness, love, fairness, and purity of motives all exert a great influence on others. It is not easy to attain this condition, and much conscious and sustained effort will be needed to advance toward it, but we each can make daily progress in developing these traits.

In many countries, the controversy over free speech rages. What is too limiting, and what is too much? Again, the principle of moderation applies. Good judgment is needed to know when, where, how, and what to say. With all speech, the principles of truth, love, and justice can be used as standards to make good judgments individually and collectively.

This is the first standard of good speech: is what we are saying true? If not, then we should not say it. Lies and falsehoods have no place in human discourse – but it can be challenging to determine if a statement is true or to what extent a truth might be misused or even mixed with falsehoods. We are inclined to believe those things that support our prejudices and interests, so all truth should be reasonably supported with facts, and defended using rational and justifiable evidence. Much of what is said as true is only opinion, with little real evidence to support it. The next time you or someone else states something as a truth, ask yourself if it is true. Baha’u’llah says that “Truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues.” 

The second standard is that of love. Our love is manifested in our caring, concern, and connection with others as we learn to live together in unity, sacrificing for others and overlooking their faults. This standard is hard to measure objectively, but reasonable support for or against it can be ascertained. For example, does what is said produce greater unity, goodwill, harmony, and friendliness among all parties? Do our words promote the well-being and best interests of others? Abdu’l-Baha counseled: 

Be kind to all people, love humanity, consider all mankind as your relations and servants of the most high God. Strive day and night that animosity and contention may pass away from the hearts of men, that all religions shall become reconciled and the nations love each other so that no racial, religious or political prejudice may remain and the world of humanity behold God as the beginning and end of all existence. God has created all, and all return to God. Therefore, love humanity with all your heart and soul.

If we are considerate and caring to others, we will try to limit words that convey anything humiliating or belittling.

That means avoiding dissension, estrangement, controversy, contention, and conflict – which requires self-discipline and patience. When we are unable to have a loving, respectful, and meaningful conversation with someone, we should remain silent or leave them be.

Thirdly, we can weigh what we say using the standard of justice. Justice is needed for speech to be balanced, effective, and constructive. Fairness and equity should be manifested in everything we do. Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it fair to all concerned? Is it fair in light of the available knowledge? What will be the repercussions on other’s lives? Will it bring about positive and lasting solutions? Do I exercise self-discipline, patience, wisdom, moderation, and good judgment in my speech?

Justice applies, too, in listening to others. When we view the thoughts of others with tolerance, open-mindedness, courtesy, cordiality, and compassion, and converse with them with self-restraint, patience, moderation, fairness, frankness, and detachment, our words will have a profound impact on their hearts and minds.

RELATED: Why Should We Choose Our Words Carefully?

We acquire and demonstrate truthfulness, love and justice through our words and deeds. As we exert a conscious effort to acquire these virtues, it gradually enables us to subdue the negative forces within and around us. To accomplish this transformational process requires that we interrogate and weigh our limited and faulty ideas of truth, love, and justice against others’ views that differ from or conflict with our own.

How is it possible to reconcile those differences? The Baha’i practice of consultation is a proven method for effective, frank, and loving group decision-making, in which all views are fairly and humbly considered and the group collectively decides, supports, and carries out its decisions. The Baha’i writings encourage the practice of consultation, which involves sharing thoughts and feelings openly while actively listening to others, aiming for unity and understanding. 

As we acquire greater skills in manifesting these qualities, we will grow in purity, detachment, wisdom and tact, all of which can have a positive and penetrating influence on both speakers and hearers. Many factors go into how our words are received, and it will take much time and effort to incorporate them gradually into our lives and transform our society – but these practices can help develop our capacity to speak truthfully, compassionately, and fairly in ways that foster unity. The Baha’i teachings offer profound guidance on how all this can work at the individual and group level.