Paying It Forward: Turning Strangers into Friends

When I tried to pay for my coffee this morning, I was told it had already been paid for. The cashier then pointed to a woman near the exit and said that she sometimes buys coffee for strangers. 

Wow — I had become the recipient of a random act of kindness! 

Catching up with her, I thanked her and told her that she had not only given me a pleasurable surprise but also had inspired me to do the same for someone else. We might call this “pay it forward.” She hadn’t expected to be identified and thanked personally; she had done it only for the joy of giving.

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This incident made me happy, as a perfect example of the old saying, “It’s the little things in life that count.” 

Reflecting on it, I think her actions indicate belief in the future and the role we can all play in it. My life wasn’t changed by a free cup of coffee, but being at the receiving end of a stranger’s kindness — yes, that feels life-affirming. Because it brought me pleasure, I want to do the same for others. It also has me thinking about my relationship with strangers.

Abdu’l-Baha wrote: “See ye no strangers; rather see all men as friends, for love and unity come hard when ye fix your gaze on otherness.”

These words also remind us that we can transform the stranger into a friend and an enemy into a true brother. They tell me that if I recognize the intrinsic goodness in others, then I will want to be kind, respectful, and generous to them.

Being the random recipient of a free cup of coffee has yet another aspect to it. My benefactor had no way of knowing in advance who would get the coffee and whether that person would be worthy of it. Her assumption seemed to be that anyone and everyone is worthy. So the point isn’t about the coffee as much as about the anonymous, gracious nature of the act itself — and its inherent recognition of the oneness and nobility of humanity.

One of the fundamental teachings of the Baha’i Faith is fellowship with strangers and friends alike. This means not only being considerate and kind, but also trusting that others deserve respect and love. So many of the world’s problems are caused by long-standing grudges, senseless quarrels, and entrenched animosity. Loving acts, both great and small, help to counter these sources of contention.

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Abdu’l-Baha explained what is required to make change:

… a power above and beyond the powers of nature must needs be brought to bear, to change this black darkness into light, and these hatreds and resentments, grudges and spites, these endless wrangles and wars, into fellowship and love amongst all the peoples of the earth. This power is none other than the breathings of the Holy Spirit and the mighty inflow of the Word of God.

I realize that lofty words and ideas alone do not promise an immediate transformation — and that a small gesture like a cup of coffee is not enough to bring about forgiveness, universal love, or world peace. But its generosity and kindness made for an uplifting start to my work day.