How to Deal With Disappointment in 7 Healthy Ways

“One of the most agonizing problems of human experience is how to deal with disappointment,” wrote Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in his 1968 book, “Where Do We Go From Here: Chaos or Community?”

“In our individual lives we all too often distill our frustrations into an essence of bitterness, or drown ourselves in the deep waters of self-pity, or adopt a fatalistic philosophy that whatever happens must happen and all events are determined by necessity.”

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Whether we spend our days drowning in depressive self-pity or adopt a bitter and cynical view that some of our dreams will never come true, neither attitude will serve our best interests — trust me, I know.

Dr. King stated that these reactions always harm “the person who harbors them more than anyone else. The only healthy answer lies in one’s honest recognition of disappointment even as he still clings to hope, one’s acceptance of finite disappointment even while clinging to infinite hope.”

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Yes, the lack of progress toward a particular goal can be incredibly disappointing, and people and situations can hurt you deeply. But, when you lose hope, you have nothing left. I have identified the following tips that have helped me cling to hope by dealing with disappointment in healthy ways.

7 Healthy Ways to Deal With Disappointment

Be thou not unhappy; the tempest of sorrow shall pass; regret will not last; disappointment will vanish; the fire of the love of God will become enkindled, and the thorns and briars of sadness and despondency will be consumed!

– Abdu’l-Baha

1. Take Time for Restoration

After any setback you face, it’s always helpful to step back from the situation and take time for restoration. Giving yourself some time and space to heal from disappointments and renew your energy can provide you with a new clarity that is needed to achieve your goals.

I remind myself that although Shoghi Effendi, the Guardian of the Baha’i Faith, was so close to divine revelation, he, too, experienced disappointments while he shouldered great responsibility to develop and deepen the understanding of the Baha’i community, and he took time for restoration.

In a 1922 letter, he wrote:

Now that happily I feel myself restored to a position where I can take up with continuity and vigour the threads of my manifold duties, the bitterness of every disappointment felt, time and again, in the course of the past weary months at my feeling of unpreparedness, have been merged in the sweetness of the present hour, when I realise that spiritually and bodily I am better equipped to shoulder the responsibilities of the Cause.

2. Lean on Loved Ones for Support

It’s always helpful to lean on loved ones for support. Shoghi Effendi continued:

The thought, so often comforting and sustaining, that in the counsels of my British co-workers of that land, I shall find spontaneous and undiminished support as well as wise and experienced assistance, is surely one of those forces which will hearten me in the midst of my future labours for the Cause.

Consulting with those who have our best interests at heart can provide us with new insights and understanding that we didn’t have before. Baha’u’llah, the prophet and founder of the Baha’i Faith, wrote:

Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light which, in a dark world, leadeth the way and guideth.

3. Remind Yourself of Your Past Achievements

When I feel inadequate, insecure, or overwhelmed, I try to remind myself of all the challenges I have overcome and all the goals I have achieved.

For those of you who are unaware, Baha’is around the world are working to serve humanity, eradicate prejudices, and bring about world peace — a mission that is both vital and challenging. In a 1932 cablegram to the American Baha’i community, Shoghi Effendi stated: 

The American believers, the stout-hearted supporters of the Faith of Bahá’u’lláh, have already given too many evidences of their preponderating influence in the direction of its affairs to allow the slightest disappointment to mar the radiance of their past achievements. Their will to succeed must eventually triumph.

So, the next time you’re feeling disappointed, recall Shoghi Effendi’s advice to not “allow the slightest disappointment to mar the radiance” of your “past achievements.” 

4. Turn to God

Pray and meditate for strength, solace, and direction as you turn to the spiritual world for peace and healing. Abdu’l-Baha, one of the central figures of the Baha’i Faith, wrote:

If thou art seeking after spiritual tranquility, turn thy face at all times toward the [divine] Kingdom… If thou art desiring divine joy, free thyself from the bands of attachment. If thou art wishing for the confirmation of the Holy Spirit, become thou engaged in teaching the Cause of God.

Another way to uplift your spirit is by being a light in someone else’s.

5. Go Easy on Yourself

Sometimes, healing takes so much of my energy that I don’t have enough left to make big changes in my life. When that happens, try to go easy on yourself.

The effort that you can expend while you’re healing will not be the same amount of effort that you can expend when you’re feeling excited and empowered. Every step you take towards your goal doesn’t have to be big. It’s okay to start small. 

Baha’is are encouraged to “remember the story of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, who when approached by a believer in the depths of discouragement despairing of ever acquiring the qualities and virtues that Bahá’ís are required to possess, replied with the greatest compassion and encouragement, ‘little by little; day by day’.”

6. Look for Inspiration

Reading self-help books inspires me tremendously. I also benefit from listening to affirmations to help me think more positively and doing EFT tapping to clear out my negative beliefs. Discover what tools and techniques would be inspiring for you.

7. Remember That Everything Happens for a Reason

Baha’u’llah wrote, “Say: all things are of God.” When I reminded a friend of this verse, she responded, “Yep, I keep repeating that quote to myself even when it’s painful to do so.”

We have to believe that everything happens for a reason and that God wants what is best for us. I once came across a social media meme that said, “God answers your prayers in three ways: He says, ‘Yes,’ and gives you what you want; He says, ‘No,’ and gives you something better; or He says, ‘Wait,’ and gives you what’s best.”

I never forgot that meme, and I keep reminding myself of all these inspiring scriptures as I wait for what’s best.