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I was just informed that one of my long-term friends, a Baha’i sister, winged her flight to the next world today. What a blessing! No more pain, fear, or suffering for her. Please, God, may I join her soon!
Although I’m happy for those who get to go home — and by “home,” I mean our eternal home in the next world, not some temporary shelter in this fleeting existence — their departures do produce a sense of loneliness at times. When you’re my age, and your dear friends leave this world to go to the next one, you feel abandoned, and you long to join them.
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During that loneliness, I am so grateful to God for having access to my computer and the ability to use it to write. Of course, the computer is only a machine. My most exciting and joyful gift, for which I am truly grateful, is the love from and toward two of the daughters of my heart, without whom my life could have been so boring and lonely.
One of my daughters and I, when time allows, talk about spiritual matters — and we both become so excited that we can literally talk for the whole day or night. I am so grateful to God for that ability and that love. Just by writing this paragraph, my sense of depression is lifted, and once again, I can enjoy my life. Thank you, God! Thank you, Baha’u’llah!
Physically, however, I am getting weaker, but it’s happening very gradually, and I have and am becoming more firm in my understanding and belief that my job is to help bring the heart of whoever comes across my path closer to God. What a blessing! I’ve committed myself to stop asking the useless “why am I still here?” question since that’s not really my business. Now, I just hope I continue to have the spiritual strength to accept the Creator’s will. To help me do that, I say this Baha’i prayer for thanksgiving, gratitude, and assistance:
My God, my Adored One, my King, my Desire! What tongue can voice my thanks to Thee? I was heedless, Thou didst awaken me. I had turned back from Thee, Thou didst graciously aid me to turn towards Thee. I was as one dead, Thou didst quicken me with the water of life. I was withered, Thou didst revive me with the heavenly stream of Thine utterance which hath flowed forth from the Pen of the All-Merciful.
O Divine Providence! All existence is begotten by Thy bounty; deprive it not of the waters of Thy generosity, neither do Thou withhold it from the ocean of Thy mercy. I beseech Thee to aid and assist me at all times and under all conditions, and seek from the heaven of Thy grace Thine ancient favor. Thou art, in truth, the Lord of bounty, and the Sovereign of the kingdom of eternity.
Last night, I had difficulty staying asleep and could not find any reason for it. Yesterday, I had a sort of depressed feeling and a renewed sense of loneliness, and again, I could not find any reason for those feelings. But then, during my walk last midnight, suddenly, my heartbeat increased rapidly — and I thought I might be having a heart attack. I was not afraid or panicky. I had a short conversation with God, and I mentioned to Him that if it is His wish for me to go right then and there, I was ready and willing, and if it is His wish to keep me here, I will bow down to His will with peace and happiness. I am gradually learning to let go of my wishes and let him do His job.
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Just a few minutes ago, I was talking to one of my two beloved daughters, and she said she will be happy for me to go, even though it will be very painful for her. I consider this a true and selfless love, an unselfish love. It is very easy for me to talk with her about what I want and what I want from her. Other people around here, who also love me, have difficulty with me talking about this issue of death, and of course, I do understand their reasons. I feel so blessed to have people I can talk with — and also to have those who cannot tolerate my talking about my dearest wish.
I am at peace with the world and with myself, and that is, I guess, what counts. I hope that all people can have this sense of acceptance, peace, and happiness when they think and talk about their impending birth into their second life.
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Comments

I have been following all your posts with my older Baháí friend and we are so grateful that you are still with us and helping us to learn so much from your life story.
We pray for you nightly all the way from Australia.
God bless from Rosslyn and Maureen
It is always inspiring to read your essays. I would love to share a midnight walk with you.
With loving wishes, Sandi Bean in Oregon