Prayers for a Friend, Prayers for the World

I have a Christian friend who has been living here in the nursing home, bedridden, for over seven years. He is one of those I might call a reborn Christian. I visit with him regularly, and we talk about Christ.

I’ve explained to my Christian brother that Baha’is love and revere Jesus Christ. The Baha’i teachings say:

Indeed the signs of greatness in Christ are beyond the ken of mortal mind and the grasp of human imagination. And indeed we are most humble and lowly before His sweet and beauteous countenance, and we love Him with all our heart and soul; nay, should it be called for and should divine confirmations assist us, we would readily lay down our lives for His sake. For we regard Him in the light of true greatness and bear allegiance to His truth. 

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But my friend has a rather rigid, exclusionary view of religion and is so worried, due to his love for me, that if I do not believe in Christ and Christ alone and confess about it, I will not go to heaven. According to his understanding, heaven is a physical place. He believes that hell is also a physical place and that because I’m a Baha’i, I will go there. 

I feel gratified to know that he loves me enough to be worried about my future, as well as frustrated because he is so rigid in his belief that he cannot hear any explanation from me. 

So I keep wondering what needs to be done, whether I should stop the frustrating visits and conversations with him (which raise my blood pressure) or just tolerate him, which makes me feel like a hypocrite. 

I feel bad if I don’t visit him because he is so alone. Both he and his lovely wife almost beg me for the visits. I guess I have to consider my visits as an act of service. He tells me that he prays very hard for me not to die because he does not want to be left alone without anyone visiting him. He is a good man, and I really care for him. Maybe I should be more of a friend to him and accept his shortcoming, which are generated out of love. 

May God help us both to grow further spiritually.

I have been too tired and lack sufficient energy, even though my blood pressure is normal. I am having a good bit of pain in my degenerated spine and my middle back, and I keep wondering if the cancer has metastasized or if the pain is just due to arthritis, and my spine is further deteriorating. Last night, I had difficulty staying asleep and could not find any reason for it. Yesterday, I had a sort of depressed feeling and a sense of loneliness, and again, I could not find any reason. Then, during my walk last midnight, suddenly, my heartbeat increased, and I thought I might be having a heart attack. 

I didn’t feel afraid or panicky, so I simply had a short conversation with God and mentioned if it was His wish for me to go right then and there, I was ready and willing — and if it was His wish to keep me here, I would bow down to His will with peace and happiness. Gradually, I’m learning to let go of my wishes and let the Creator do His job. This feels so freeing!

Just a few minutes ago, I was talking about all of this to one of my two beloved daughters and she said she will be happy for me to go, even though it will be very painful for her. I consider this a true and selfless love. It is very easy for me to talk with her about what I want and what I want from her. Other people around here, who also love me, have difficulty with me talking about the issue of death, and of course I do understand their reasons. I am so blessed to have people I can talk with — and, as well, to have those who cannot tolerate my talking about my wishes. I am at peace with the world and with myself and that is, I guess, what it counts.

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As you know if you’ve been reading these musings, my energy level usually spikes after midnight, so that is when I take my nightly walks. While I walk the halls of my nursing home I pray and meditate, asking God for mercy and forgiveness for myself and my family, for my kindred as well as my friends who have gone to the next world. I also pray for the opportunity of serving and teaching humanity for myself and a whole lot of people, and then I pray for the healing of humankind. I beg God to stop the wars and carnage and bring peace to the surface of the Earth, as this portion of a Baha’i prayer from Abdu’l-Baha asks:

O Lord! Draw up the people from the abyss of the ocean of hatred and enmity, and deliver them from this impenetrable darkness. Unite their hearts, and brighten their eyes with the light of peace and reconciliation. Deliver them from the depths of war and bloodshed, and free them from the darkness of error. Remove the veil from their eyes, and enlighten their hearts with the light of guidance. 

I find myself praying so seriously and so ardently, which I have never done before maybe a year ago. I am so glad that I can actually do it and mean it wholeheartedly. It is a wonderful feeling to be with God and have peace and quietness in my mind and heart. This is new to me, and I really like it. I heartily recommend trying it yourself.